Pennywise – Christmas In Hell

The holidays have returned, to my dismay. For the longest time I didn’t look forward to them because it was cold and was miserable because I always felt I had nothing to offer. Then in 2010 I discovered SantaCon. After I was done with that I had so much fun I couldn’t wait for it to come around the next year. For the first time I had something to look forward to this time of year, and it wasn’t waiting for it to end.

Then 2020 happened and because covid kept spreading without end everything throughout the year was getting canceled for everyones safety. But far too many would ignore the safety protocols and the last month cases have dramatically increased. I knew for months santacon wasn’t going to happen this year so I’ve gone back to just looking forward to the year to end again. Depression does that to you.

Then hearing all these fun, cheerly, or sappy holiday songs all day just keeps bringing me down because I just can’t feel any kind of joy right now. In fact I also wasn’t feeling much joy last year because of something I lost that meant everything to me, and just wish that feeling was aimed back to my direction. But, you have to move on. But I do feel like posting a holiday song that matches more of how I feel once again. It’s usually aggressive music that makes me feel better about myself. It’s what helps me hold on to my last pieces of sanity. I just want to feel like I have a purpose, and this damn virus has cause complete prevention allowing me to feel such a way again all year. I just want to sleep.